“If you can change the life of one person, then it’s worth it.”
(Scott Barry, Mr. Blog Theatre)
My friend, Engle Jones, recently asked me to write 300 words or less on the word REFRAIN.[1] Well, here’s 600 or so. I’ll begin by saying that ‘to refrain’ is the biggest goal of the second half of my life—to refrain from wanting in order to make space for giving.
When my ego is in charge (as it has been for most of my life), I have lots and lots of wants: I want more clicks and likes, more blog followers and book sales, more speaking engagements and revenue. More, more, more! I want all the bigness and celebrity of gigantic commercial success. I want to improve the health and wellbeing of the world, and of course, I want credit for it. And so, this is my challenge: to refrain from all the wanting of my egoic mind so that I can create space in my life for giving wholeheartedly to others.
Scott Barry, my dear friend and star of Happy Living’s Blog Theatre™, has come to the same realization. In fact, in Episode #9: A Businessman, Professor, Homicide Detective and an Actor Walk into a Bar…, Scott said he’s decided that from here on out ‘til the end of his days, everything he creates, whether for the stage, screen, print, or for Blog Theatre™, must make a contribution by containing some social value, however minor. In fact, he says, “If at each show, I could just slip a life changing message in one person’s pocket while entertaining them, it would all be worth it.”
The 7th Verse of the Tao Te Ching advises, “Serve the needs of others, and all your own needs will be fulfilled.” I like that, but it still feels too focused on me and my needs. Researching this 7th verse a bit further, I read Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s essay[2], in which he further explains what the Tao asserts: that a certain wonderful quality enters our life when we live from the spirit in our hearts, rather than from our needy egocentric mind. That feels closer to my second-half-of-life goal. Dr. Dyer goes on to tell us, “The Tao is a giving machine that never runs out of gifts to offer, yet asks nothing in return.”
Yes, yes—that’s it! When I read this, I feel like shouting, “That’s what I want!” And of course, with that assertion, I’m falling back into the trap of being focused on me…on what I want. Funny how often we end up back there, isn’t it? So while that is what I want, I’ll rephrase: I’m dedicating the second half of my life to refrain from wanting, so that I may become a giving machine.
What does that mean in a practical sense? Well, when I’m tempted to focus on my personal successes and defeats, I must refrain. When ego turns my attention onto my own circumstances, I must notice that and refrain! Developing a practice of refraining from thoughts about “me, me, me” opens my heart, creating space in my life to be a giver.
I spent the first half of my life trying to conquer the world in service of my needs. For my remaining time on earth, I am dedicated to conquering my need to conquer the world and to creating space in my life and heart to serve others. Like my good friend Scott Barry says, if I can just change the life of one person for the better, it’ll all be worth it.
[1] He invited me to be a contributor to a project he calls, Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. (Your Own Unique Real Self Expressing Life Fully)
[2] Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
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